Often people think daddy issues is the result of the absence of a father figure at home.
But my case was rather unique as I have 3 dads 👀 no really, seriously, I have 3 so I never really lacked a father figure, but I definitely had daddy issues.
Ok let me explain.. my mum has been married 3 times and my biological father was only present for the first 3 years of my life and then literally disappeared.
I was young, he was just gone. No explanations, no goodbyes, oh and no contact.
Not only did I have daddy issues but also had very distorted and toxic view of what marriage looked like.
From a young age I disregarded the need for a father or a husband as they were not really a permanent feature in the house. My step dads loved me and tried to treat me equally to their own kids however I still felt abandonment issues as to why my own biological father didn’t want me .
Fast forward to 2014 when my older brother told me my biological father wanted to get in contact with me in order to develop a relationship with me.
You would think my automatic response would be happiness and joy. I mean after over 20 years my dad finally “wants” to know me.
I was full of rage, how dare he after I had gone through school, college and uni, after all the heartbreaks when I needed fatherly wisdom where were you, and now that I’m graduated, got my first graduate job and been delivered by God’s grace from all the hurt from all manners terrible relationships with guys (definitely occured due to my daddy issues) with you now want to be in my life.”
The irony is that was the final stage of my deliverance. I realised I wasn’t fully healed in fact this was the real beginning of my deliverance. I realised I had been so busy looking at the fruit of my issues when I hadn’t dealt with the root.
I decided not to reconcile with my father in the end that i didn’t need him now nor will I ever need him in the future. My mum had painted such a negative picture about him that I didn’t want to meet this man who my mum depicted as a monster. I later found out there was way more to the story, let’s just say I only knew one side of the story.
Couple of years went on and it was as if God was sending people to me to make me address my daddy issues (especially Rev Wonu who wouldn’t let me rest on the matter loooool) but I told myself I’ve been fine for the last 23 years so i didn’t need him, a lie I told myself so that I didn’t have any expectation of being disappointed as it says hope deffered makes the heart sick and i didn’t want to have hope about it.
However one day during service my Reverend was preaching about the importance of honouring our fathers and the effects of not doing so. (You can imagine how set up I felt). It was like God was saying, if you won’t listen to the people I send to you directly, I will saw it over the mic and from the altar.
I realised the loss of my father would be more detrimental to me and will be filtered in so many ways in my life for example my future marriage, the way I relate with my children and even the longevity of my life on this earth is effected by this. There is also a power in the blessing of a father that the words of a father’s mouth can really bless or curse your destiny.
I realised I did need my dad and I prayed to God to create an opportunity to meet my biological father again and this time I would take it…..that prayer was made February last year, September that same year I met my father on the way to the shops.
I spotted him in the streets, which would be random to some but I know it could only be God. I stalked him around the area like a weirdo thinking what do I say, but then I got the courage to speak to him and within a few minutes of staring at each other and a couple of questions of who I was, my dad knew said to me, “You are my daughter.”
At that moment I felt all the anger and resentment leave me and just a sense of belonging and realised I did need dad.
Ever since then we have been in contact and we try and meet up from time to time, getting to know each other and hopefully soon he will be walking me down the isle to give me his blessing.