The past couple of months, my attention has been drawn to people who are unhappily married, people from different walks of life but I have to say especially women, regardless of their educational, racial or religious background. This is probably because I am at the stage when I guess marriage is on the cards…….(*blushes*)

I mean, no one ever sets out to be unhappy, can you imagine saying your vows ‘ to love, honor  cherish unconditionally’ and thinking this happiness will only last 1 year! Today I read a girl’s status that asked ‘does happily ever still exist?’.It doesn’t help that the government is trying to pollute something that was set up by God! Marriage is between a man and a woman– just thought I’d throw that in there. But seriously though, the family is said to be the nucleus of society, so if that breaks down, society breaks down but lets look a little bit deeper. If the marriage (husband and wife excluding children) is unhappy, it will mean the family is unhappy and then it impacts society.

This is such a concern for me because the bible says that the older women should teach the younger women how to love their husbands. Unfortunately, you can’t teach what you don’t have. Please I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way but there are a lot of bitter, regretful legitimately married women out there because of what they have been through whether it be domestic violence, adultery, neglect etc. So the message passed on, even if they don’t mean to is ‘you have to be strong so no man gets the better of you, all men are dogs!’  (There’s more but lets stop there) They may not sit their young daughter down to physically teach them that but actions do speak.

I am sure men have their own angst against their wives such as disrespect, neglect, infidelity, laziness etc. But I am sure both parties are guilty of waiting for the other party to change instead of being the change they want to see. I know I am not yet married but it’s just getting too much.

God gave us the formula, husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands and I am sure it is not dependent on the other person playing their own part. In fact, I think family conferences are not complete without listening to the children. One of the most important things parents can do for their children is love each other. No child will feel safe when there is no love between the parents. I am not saying lust but love!! Because children are not shown what true love is meant to look like they take the cheap imitation presented by the devil, lust which ends up costing them more.

I met a black african lady the other day, who said she told her children not to marry any ‘black man’ because they did not know how to show love, all they do is work and think everything is fine because there is a roof over their heads and food on the table, but they spend no quality time with their family. As a black female, I stood up to their defense and told her I know a lot of older black men married that show love and have testimonies of their husbands being loving. I don’t think its a race thing, I believe you give what you have, a lot of things, take up time and soon people become lazy lovers and mere room mates.

Jesus had the same issue with the church in Revelation chapter 2, they did a lot of works but they forgot their first love, He did not deny that the works they did was good but God is love and wants to be loved. So He asked that they remember where they fell from, repent and do the first works.

I think this may be the solution… what do you think? For married people, to remember what it was like when they first met, their dreams of living each day in love or am I deceiving myself. I don’t think I am… I believe relationship is work, it won’t work till you work it, two cannot walk together unless they agree, there has to be a place for communion and I don’t just mean partaking of the Lord’s table, I mean fellowship. That’s why I appreciate relationship programs, where you can go and learn how to love your spouse and to sustain it. Jesus actually said if they did not go back to their first love, He would take their candlestick out i.e. the fire will go out. Love in marriages need to be revived! Marriage without love or passion is ………………………………dry! I mean, when last did you take your wife on a date, wife when last did you do that special thing for your husband? I could go on writing but I just wanted to share my heart with you because I honestly want to learn.

If you are married or about to get married please try not to get carried away with life that you forget to show the love that you profess.

Recommended books to read:

A friend of mine Pearl Illochi said, people study to be successful businessmen etc but do not study on how to have successful relationships and homes! Don’t let ignorance steal your happiness.

If you are single but in or about to get in a relationship read:

  •  Waiting and dating by Myles Munroe

Married  or single please read:

  • Love languages by Gary Chapman (helps a lot)- I have recommended it for married couples and when they put it to practice.. there has been great changes!
  •  The DNA of Marriage by Oritseweyinmi Megbele
  • The marriage book by Nicky and Sila Lee
  •  The Mystery of  Marriage by Pastor Modupe Adefala
  •  Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge
  •  The Ideal Home by Abraham Ighalo
  •  The power of a praying wife by Stormie Omartian
  •  When Couples Walk Together by Cindi and Hugh McMenamin

If you have any other recommendations or stories to encourage people not to give up on their marriages or the institution of marriage please post up your comments. But most of all, please pray for marriages.

  1. Just reading this post now and have to say written by someone who is not married it is very well written and true. I am celebrating two months of marriage today and i can honestly say that you have to put energy into your marriage if you want it to continue all bubbly as it was when you were dating. Some say when we were dating we used to spend hours on the phone talking about nothing and fall asleep on the phone………and i say you can’t miss that if you spent hours on the bed with each other just talking about anything you want and fall asleep in each others arms. if you are married and try to do that as often as you can, spent time together before going to sleep, it helps you always stay close and collected together. And for those still single all i can say it honestly take time to make sure God is with you concerning the guy or girl you think is the one. this is because when the tough times comes, it’s easier to fight knowing you are married to the right person given to you by God. And above all , let the LOVE of God dominate your life and this will flow into your single season and then into your marriage.

    • Wow! That’s really great! Thank you for blessing me with that input. Definitely taken on board. I pray God continues to bless you and your hubby with all it takes to build your home. Love you lots xxx

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